philippic
"It's the last work week of the year, and Macro Man is feeling the strain. After a skein of lunches, dinners, and assorted Christmas treats, he's begun to feel the inevitable expansion of the waistline despite his best efforts at the gym.
Yesterday he had lunch at Nobu with a couple of friends from a well-known (and, shall we say, "underperforming" bank.) It was an interesting afternoon, to say the least- not least because at least a quarter of the tables at the restaurant were empty. Long gone are the days of requiring several weeks' notice to secure a table...the reality of the recession is indeed beginning to bite.
But what stirred Macro Man's blood was the discussion around the current environment and the compensation expectations of staff in the financial industry. Without disclosing any details about the institution in question (so as to protect the innocent), it is fair to say that 2008 has not been a profitable year for his friends' institution.
Macro Man's friend in management has, for the past year or two, been fairly realistic about the environment that he's been living and working in- that is to say, he's been consistently downbeat. For the past month or two, he has consistently been attempting to talk down the bonus expectations of his staff.
Now, it is safe to say that the performance of this institution has been sufficiently poor that shareholders can legitimately question why bonuses are being paid at all. So Macro Man naturally assumed that "managing expectations" involved telling people that "your job is your bonus....if you actually get to keep it."
And yet there is, evidently, a small bonus pool, which has generated an unseemly political scramble to secure as much as of the scraps as possible. To call the scenario "Machiavellian" is an insult to the whole concept of political philosophy. None of this should come as a surprise, of course; bankers should always wear a stab-proof Kevlar vest at the best of times.
But what really got Macro Man's goat was the (unhappy) explanation that one mediocre performer will be awarded a disproportionately large share of the team bonus pool because, as his friend's boss's boos explained "so-and-so got a seven figure bonus two years ago and will be disappointed with anything less this year."
DISAPPOINTED? DISAPPOINTED? Are you effing kidding me? One of the reasons why bankers get paid so much in the good times is because of "the volatility of the cycle". Well guess what, the cycle has swung, and it's time to pay the piper (rather than the banker.)
To claim that you deserve a bonus because "we had a good year" on the desk blithely ignores the act that "you" collectively have become a watchword for incompetence and/or malfeasance."
Read the rest. I enjoyed this so much, I have to admit that I would like more people to Guy Fawkes MacroMan's posterior. I must also be feeling the strain. One question: Is Macro Man the writer of these posts, or is the writer a kind of Boswell?
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